It has been a while

Unfinished piece, one of a series, called Fly, Dream
fabric, thread, photography, and ultimately beads as well.

Okay, so about 10 days have gone by and I have not written or posted pictures.  The thing is, I have actually been working and making pieces for a show in May.  So how does one manage the time to create and also write about creating, which should be creating in and of itself?  It's a question I ponder when I can't sleep at night.  The other thing I think about is the fact that I tried to cliff dive during our family vacation to Mexico.  Now let me be specific, it was only about 20 feet high.  I climbed up there all confident, took a breath, ran toward the edge ... and then just stopped head hanging out over the side, with my feet gripping the edge.  Thinking this was just a one-time freeze, I tried again, and again, and again.  I was up there for at least 30 minutes.  Strangers from all over the world were cheering me on to jump.  One wise-ass from England, kept making gasping noises just as I would get to the edge--which I must say did make it more difficult to jump, though I guess I can't really blame him for my lack of courage.  My husband kept telling me to just do it.  Like the Nike ads--you know I don't see any Nike reps jumping off of cliffs!  My kids were yelling at me to just jump so we could get on with what we were doing.  And I swear, I really thought I was going to.  But I didn't.  It was very disappointing.  I try to do something outside my comfort zone every time we go away or try new things, just so I can show my kids that it is healthy to try new things and face your fears.  Well this fear seemed to stare me down and I realized that fear is really quite intangible, but sometimes very, very solid and immovable.  And it is fear that artist feel every time they start a new piece, get stuck in the middle of a piece, or even just finish one.  I have all these pieces that have not been finished, and I am hoping to face those fearsome little pieces and turn them into something I can feel proud of.

Directions finished--with minimal swearing

Yesterday I mailed the directions and piece to Beadwork Magazine for publication later this year. As you all know, I was a bit intimidated at the prospect of writing out the directions for this incredibly intricate and somewhat free-form piece.  But it is done--with minimal swearing.  Actually the most horrible language was saved for the car rides to and from the post offices.  Do people just forget how to drive when Saturday rolls around?  At one point, I was so frustrated, I just said to myself, maybe if I just swear loudly at no one it will reduce my road rage.  Lesson #1:  All it did was make me feel like an idiot.  But I did stop yelling, so maybe it worked.  In actuality, I think it was just grief over the passing of my dog that manifested itself as complete impatience with the outside world.  Funny how grief works--you think you're fine and then, WHAM!  You are not.  But still, you have to work, you have to teach your children, you have to help others and fulfill your obligations.  So, despite it all, I finished the directions and sent them off.  I am including a picture of the piece for you all to see--and a picture of Olive as a puppy. 

Back from Vacation

Metamorphosis

Have you ever wondered why you go on vacation?  While away with my family, I had a couple of wonderful moments--for instance, when one night at dinner the kids and I were teasing the sh** out of my husband for falling asleep early and not realizing it.  I know it doesn't sound funny written down here, but it really was amusing at the time.  But the real moment was on the plane ride back when I turned to my husband and said, "Do you realize our kids didn't ask us for one present, didn't say 'gimme' once, and actually liked being with us?"  Those are the moments you really want to remember for the rest of your life.