Saturday, January 29, 2011

migraines=lost time=guilt about missing things=stress=migraines

Eden: Fabric collage with beads and quilting.
Already Sold
Okay, so I woke up with a migraine today and anyone who has had them knows how time-consuming they can be  First, you have the pain and nasuea. (Well, not actually first.  First, you get the pre-migraine, which I sometimes miss.  Yesterday's was the junk-food craving that I merely attributed to PMS.  Enough said about that.)  Next, you debate, do you take the medicine or not?  If you take the medicine, you sleep for a long time.  If not, you can try other things like caffeine and OTC drugs, but if they don't work, then the migraine gets worse and you can lose the window of opportunity for breaking it, and then you're really screwed.  It's kind of like child-birth:  There is only a certain amount of time you can actually have the epidural.  Too early and either the doctor's won't give it to you or it will wear off too soon.  Too late and it's time to, you know, actually have the baby.  I have child-birth on the brain as my sister is having her first baby any day now. . . but to get back to the topic at hand.  So, even after the migraine ends, you get this kind of headache hangover, which interferes with how efficient you are and what you want to do, eat, etc....  In the end, I opted for the meds and proceeded to sleep on and off for about 5 hours.  Now it's 4:30 and most of my Saturday is shot: I couldn't meet up with a friend, and I missed out on hanging with the kids and the hubby for part of the day.  I am determined to go out tonight though, despite the foggy feeling in my brain.  As you can see, the whole thing could become a vicious cycle, which is why I decided to actually write about it and post it for the "world" to see.  My thoughts are multifold: One, if I share the guilty feelings, maybe they will disperse so widely, they will lose their intensity. Two, right now, I really can't work on such small things as beads and sewing, so it's just a lot easier to type and sometimes look up at the glowing screen.  Three, actually no one in the house wants to play games or do anything right now and I am avoiding folding the laundry, so why not use the time somewhat productively and erase some of the guilt for not doing much today.  Four, sometimes the more you say, the less stress you feel.

Actually, though, I had a thought yesterday that I forgot to mention and which I will do here and now.  As I had been saying, I have reading about John Adams, and he kept a constant diary.  Sometimes of esoteric thoughts, sometimes just scribbles of what he saw and did that day.  They seemed to me to be much like blogging, but a great deal more private.  If Adams were alive today, would he blog?  Would he write, for anyone who wanted to see, all of his thoughts and ideas that he did on those tiny little notebooks?  And is anyone who writes these kinds of journals--be they electronic of paper--self-absorbed or is he or she really just observant?

There is this whole movement in art of journaling--taking books and altering them, or making your own journal of art.  I wonder what Adam's art journals, if had made them, would be like?

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